- *owns 264 unread books*
- *buys 17 new books*
- *rereads harry potter*
I think about doing disgusting things all the time. Like it would dim down the alertness just enough to function.
I have never felt this isolated before. No one. No safety. No home.
I want to die today. These words of been on my lips every time I wake for the past few days. The terrible things never end. And August seems to be the worst for these things. This day last year I was raped, and two weeks before that I almost successfully killed myself. And everything that has been happening lately. I asked her to stop and it continues.. And everything just keeps happening. Its too much. Whatever progress I’ve made laughed at. I feel so alone and maybe it’s better that way. I feel like I’m not sure my phone actually exists like maybe I’m just punching buttons in a calculator hoping someone will be there. But there is no one, and nothing. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of dying. It’s the only escape from all of this. And that shit pile is the biggest it’s ever been. I don’t live day to day. I live in moments.
I hope I can get out of bed long enough tomorrow to buy smokes. On one hand smokes, on the other hand bed.
somebody pelase hurt me